There
have been some good things happening with Caleb lately and I really
wanted to share them. Its kind of a long story, so its hard to know
where to begin and what details to give and leave out so that this
doesn’t end up being a novel, I'll try to make this the condensed version.
A
little over a year ago, I was stuck. I was in a state of complete hopelessness. I
know I touched on it in some posts over the last few months. It had
been building for years and I came to my breaking point. I had asked
God many times to help me, I wasn’t sure what else to ask for though
because I saw no way out, I didn’t see there were any solutions. Well,
in answer to my prayer for help I started meeting with an incredible
life coach ~ Cheryl Molenaar at Inspire Life Coaching ~ cheryl@inspirelife.ca
There
are so many things I have learned with Cheryl but the thing that really
started to change things was when I realised that in my 'stuckness' I
just stopped expecting anything to change, stopped looking for it and
stopped asking. Through persistent nudging and encouragement from
Cheryl, I began asking God for specific things. This involved asking the
government agencies and programs that Caleb has been involved with for more
help. This was uncomfortable for me, I was already getting some help and
I felt bad asking for more, but I did, and you know what? I got more
help. All of the sudden we had more respite care available to us so we
could get some more breaks. During this time I also found it necessary
to quit my part time job, which also took some pressure and stress off.
I
also asked for favour with an organisation that provides a day program
for low functioning/high needs children with autism. They give the kids
tons of support and attention (there are only 4 kids in the class) and
intensive therapy for behavioural issues ( like toilet training!!) as well
as focusing on communication, being able to function out in public
and basic life skills. The problem was there was a waiting list, the
class is so small (4 kids!) and they usually take children who are in
even worse shape than Caleb. We have a caseworker with this organisation
and he really fought for us, in meetings he would keep bringing Caleb
up and pushing for him to get the spot that was opening up in this
class. He got in!! This September Caleb starts with this new day program
called TRE-Add and I am so excited. Its an absolute miracle, because,
like I said, Caleb is not the kind of child they normally take, but they
said they thought Caleb was very ‘teachable’! The people who run this
program are fantastic, the best of the best. I know that this is the
answer to my prayer that Caleb would be able to reach his full potential....whatever
that may be. I just need to know that he has received all the help he
requires to even see what the possibilities for him are and what he is
capable of.
So,
I have learned that there is power in asking. Maybe its because when
you ask, there is hope attached to it, and there is power in hope.
Asking was difficult for me because the thing that came to mind was a
kid at a grocery store crying in the checkout line asking for candy, and
it gave me the feeling of being a whiny or bratty, spoiled kid. Its
not the kind of asking you do like “Oh God, please
give me a BMW” or “God, make me rich!” I think it’s about where your motives
lie.
Does
it mean I get everything I ask for? Absolutely not, God is not like
Santa Claus or a genie in a bottle that grants wishes or gives us
everything we want. Its a mystery why God answers some prayers and not
others, but like a loving parent He knows what’s best for us and I am
learning to trust Him in that. Sometimes God is silent for a long time
and doesn’t seem to hear, that can be such a difficult time because you
question whether He is really there, if He cares at all.....if He sees
you.
I
named this blog “Choosing Hope” because I didn’t have any on my own, it
was a conscience effort, a choice of my will but I decided was going to
start looking for it. I had to really dig for it when I first started
this process, It didn’t come easy to hope, I had to scrounge for it and
had to work it up.
The
first stirrings of it at the beginning was just the desire to hope
again, then asking for help caused it to grow, but seeing God answer has
been especially significant.
Not
because I got what I wanted but because it made me realise that God
sees me. He sees me. He sees Caleb. Understanding the reality of that,
when I actually came to understand the truth of God seeing me, hope
came. The God of the universe knew me, all my failings and weakness and
He loved me anyway. Hope came and trust was just naturally there when I
understood the truth of that. I didn’t have to search for hope or work
it up, it became completely unforced. Does the hope I have now make
everything perfect? Hardly, I think I’ve just taken an important first
step in a very long journey.
So, I
have hope, the real thing! The amazing thing is that I can have it
regardless of what the future holds, because He sees me and I can trust
Him.....He sees you too.
